FULL TEXT: Among my acquaintances is a
piteous old man, who is dying of a broken heart because his wife has alienated
the affections of his only child from him.
This
father belongs in the ranks of those who earn their bread by the sweat of their
brows. Life has been hard to him, but the one rose that has bloomed along his
arid pathway has seen his little daughter, and he has found no toil too hard to
keep her soft and safe, no sacrifices too great to make to give her a fine
education.
While
the girl was little she was a joy to him as she cuddled in his arms and pressed
her rosy little cheek to his worn one, but as she has grown older her mother
has weaned her away from her father and taught her to look with contempt upon
him, so that now she treats him with coldness and neglect, and pays him not so
much attention as she would to a faithful old workhorse.
And
it has turned the father’s world to dust and ashes.
One
would think that a woman who turns her children against their father and robs
him of their love must be a fiend incarnate. She would be if she committed the
crime deliberately, but she does it without realizing what a terrible thing she
is doing, or how far-reaching and disastrous are its consequences.
For
many other women are guilty of this same offense. Occasionally a mother weans
her children away from their father through a morbid jealousy. She wants to be
all in all to them. She cannot bear for them to love anyone else, not even
their father, as well as they love her. She is filled with torturing fear that
they may even prefer their father to her, as children often do if left to
follow unhampered their own impulses.
So,
with set purpose, she sets to work to slay their affection for their father by
representing him to them as cold and callous and anxious to thwart them, while
she is all indulgence, and tenderness and sympathy. Sometimes a mother will
even carry her maternal jealousy to the pitch that makes her stand forever
between the children and their father. She will never let him be alone with
them for an instant, or give them a chance to get acquainted and be pals.
Generally,
however, when a mother alienates her children’s affections from their father
she has no real object in view. She is committing one of the greatest wrongs of
which any human is capable, and she literally knows not what she does.
When
she harps continually to her children on their father’s lack of enterprise, and
complains that if he knew how to get along they would be able to live in a fine
house and have automobiles, she is merely expressing her own discontent with
poverty and envy of the instilling a lack of respect for their father in her children’s minds, and making
them regard him as a failure whose judgment is not worth respecting.
When
she criticises their father to the children, and calls their attention to his
faults and shortcomings, she is only venting her own temper and nerves. She
does not realize that she is pulling down a god from its altar and teaching
them to jeer at it, and despise it, instead of worship it.
When
she holds their father up to her children as a bugaboo with which to frighten
them, when she threatens them with what father will do to them when he comes
home, when she holds before the trembling little culprits a picture of father
with a whip in his hand until they never think of him except as a cruel despot,
she is merely taking what she thinks is the easiest way to control her noisy
and mischievous youngsters.
She doesn’t realize that she is building between
father and child the icy wall of fear that will last as long as life lasts, and
that will prevent the children from, ever having a single throb of warm filial
love or a single word of real human companionship for their father.
The
women who do these things commit a great crime against their husbands, but they
commit an even greater crime against their children for, sooner or later, the
time comes when the mother finds that she needs a man’s strong hand over her
girls and boys, a man’s wisdom and experience of life in directing them and
guiding them, and then she turns to their father for help. But he is powerless.
She has undermined his authority. She has alienated their hearts from him. She
has taught them to despise his judgment and to have a contempt for him, and so
he has less influence with them than the veriest stranger.
Not
without reason is the command to “honor thy father” given in the Holy Writ.
There is no more steadying and restraining influence on earth than the love,
admiration and reverence that a child has for the father to whom it has been
taught to look up to all its life, and whom it regards as a fountain of wisdom and
a tower of righteousness. Foolish and wicked is the woman who deprives her
children of this safeguard in their hour of temptation.
And,
aside from the child’s good in this matter, think how cruel and heartless a
thing it is to cheat a man out of the love of his children, which is the only
possible reward that he can have for all the sacrifices that fatherhood imposes
upon him.
We
have glorified mother love so greatly that we have forgotten that there is a
father love as well and that a man’s lips may be just as hungry for a child’s
kisses as a woman’s are.
Also
that the father is martyrized on the family altar no less than the mother. For
all his life of toil there nothing that the average married man gets hut his
board and clothes, and what happiness he finds in his children, and if his wife
robs him of that happiness he is left poor indeed.
This
is something for women to think over.
[Dorothy Dix, “Teaching Children to Despise
Father.” Syndicated (Wheeler Syndicate, Inc.), Sep. 14, 1919, part III, p. 28]
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More on Parental Alienation
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More on Parental Alienation
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[1072-1/31/21]
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Bravo! This is an excellent account as relevant today as almost 94 years ago.
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